just some pictures that i was messing around with. hahahah, this is what i was doing instead of studying.. ^_^

damn livejournal is messing up again. harumph. oh well, i like this journal too anyway. ^_^

anyway, today was patch's party, and it was sooo sooo much fun. we went swimming, and i wasn't really supposed to go swimming anymore but then i didn't really have anything else to do except watch them and that was really any fun right? so Jam lent me his shorts and there. Ang kulit nung mga people from the other class, sobrang ang sasabog! ang kukulit nanag mga utak grabe. I haven't had this much fun in ages. rishi and i are becoming normal friends again. nothing really monumental happened but we're actually having conversations on our own and that's like a huge thing because well..considering our past and everything.

and JV was there also and i just have to say that i should have won an oscar for that act that i was putting up when he arrived. i was just sitting there, calm and collected, when all i really wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs and run around in circles while pulling out my hair. but i sat there, playing some video game on the ps2, and beating the crap out of yonni's player. he didn't exactly say hi but he did say something like "uy si nikki nandito." what the hell is that supposed to mean?? sheesh, so confusing. and nagpaparinig siya sakin pero i wasn't really talkin to him. pero rishi...ggaaaahhhh rishi rishi rishi. i don't want to like him na. no no no no. liking someone for five years and never telling him is the stupidest thing i've ever done. damn damn damn.

anyway..here is a pic that i just was messing around with. i guess you can guess who it's for.. ^_^

I was getting food kanina during the soccer ceremonies and this total stranger beside me told me not to eat too much. baka daw tumaba ako. yeah, yeah. don't pay attention to him, nikki he's just an asshole Nikki You're beautiful, Nikki blahdiddyblahblahblah.

my dad once asked me if *gasp!* am I really going to eat two pieces of chicken???
i asked my mom before if i could borrow her jeans and she said yes. when i asked her how i looked, she said to my dad in bisaya "hala, magstrestretch yung pantalon ko" and my dad just chuckled along


"the thing with you is that you detach yourself. you just say hi and that's it"


yes, because i'm just dyingto be insulted once again.

so i try to release all this frustration and anger and hurt inside of me through a powercry. which is like a powerdump, wherein you try to get everything done in about the span of five minutes. and the best thing about it is that my eyes give no sign whatsoever that my tear ducts were emptied just five minutes ago. because God forbid that people would notice and get all sympathetic and guilty because they know, in the back of their minds, they were criticizing me too.

but then there's also that other reaction. the ano-ka-ba-stop-with-all-this-wallowing-in-self-pity reaction. and then some size 2 gives me pep talk about "it doesn't matter what other people think" because of course they have complete strangers looking at their plates and tut tutting at them too! of coursethey have the right to lecture me because, OF COURSE, THEY KNOW WHAT I GO THROUGH EVERY SINGLE DAY OF EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE BECAUSE, OF COURSE!, MY HURTS ARE NO BIG DEAL! THEY ARE PETTY AND SHALLOW! I SHOULD JUST TURN THE OTHER CHEEK AND LOOK THE OTHER FUCKING WAY BECAUSE, OF COURSE!, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
trying to kill myself didn't work.

which just proves all the more that God is a lot smarter than me because, even though i know this is probably just some manic depression that will marr me for the the rest of my natural life, he sees what comes after it.

but until then, i'll be wallowing in my anger, and don't anybody tell me i should be all rays of sunshine and glitter.

A first grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,"Harry, What is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him, and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The
principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry Replied: "Legs."

Ms.. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry Replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Harry: "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down
and a dog do on three legs?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Shake hands."

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in K that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Nothing.

Nada.

Not a word.

Not even a hello or a how are you or a single friggin text message. What should I have expected anyway? That's the way he is. And he never changes, never surprises. I feel so stupid to have expected something anyway. I've kicked myself hundred time sover for even wondering if he would make an affort to let me know that he's thinking of me. Why? WHY? WHY? Stupid Nikki. Stupid Stupid STUPID!!!!

testing. testing. 123.